As a way of explaining my general malaise and distance lately, I present to you, Crazy Town.
The crappiest scene of the lamest Pity Party. Come, have some cake.
The last 18 months have been a complete shit show, including everything from a car accident that has left me with daily pain, the end of a too-long term relationship, seeing my own child suffer and not know how to help, a drive-by shooting, helping at the scene of too many accidents, and ending with heartbreak unlike anything I’ve experienced in over 15 years. The only upside is things can’t get worse….right?! So a new year has begun. Each time I have heard people talk about the coming year like it’s a clean slate, I’ve pretty much scoffed. January 1st is just another day. But this year I get it. This year I need it to be a clean slate because I can’t take much more of the same old crap. I’ve been broken down and, while down, been kicked…. several times, hard. My brother texted me after the shooting and said, “Your life is crazy town”. And then followed it up a few weeks later after the earthquake we felt here with just, “Crazy town”.
wish you were here
I’ve always been a strong person. I am met with a challenge and I just get it done, whatever it may be. But I’m not okay. I’m just not. I’m exhausted and I just don’t want to be met with any more insane challenges. Normal ones, fine. Just no more big, life-altering ones. For now I’m going to feel, sit with and process the pain that is crushing my soul and then move on. This year I will lean more on the people who love and support me and stop trying to do it all on my own.
My pity party is almost over. I swear. I can only stand myself like this for brief periods of time. Your girl don’t like to cry so this is gross.