Grab an eraser…

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Honestly, I’ve never been better. My business is going great, I’m learning more about how to be the best coach for others I can be, my kids are all doing well at the moment, I’m working out and feel great. But, oh hey there brain, why so complicated?

Yesterday I had a therapy appointment. If you don’t go, you should. Who else sits in rapt attention to listen to you vent and work through shit that everyone else in your life is sick of hearing about? My therapist finds me amusing, I’m sure. I was telling him about my most recent ex, who was separated when we met but after almost two years of being separated now is trying to keep the family together. A noble move if it wasn’t so ego driven by his desire not to look bad instead of actually meaning it. But I digress… I found his dating profile on an app I had just heard about (thanks Snapchat) and I lost my shit and tore him a new one. Because, trying to keep the family together + dating app profile = bullshit. So therapist asked, “was there even a moment, a second, where you thought to not respond to it at all?” To which I replied, “Fuck no!” *big laughs*

If you know me, you know I’m not one to NOT react emotionally. In general I try to be respectful but when the respect is not mutual, KJ gets emotive.

I was told to not listen to his words but to pay attention to his actions. And that changed everything for me. He treated me like every human wants to be treated when we were together. I fell hard. It was his inaction that consistently told me I “wasn’t enough”, even though his words were the complete opposite. And so the slate is finally clean. To be clear, we haven’t seen each other for months. But the lingering hope for a future was always there. It isn’t anymore.

Why am I sharing all of this? Wait, why AM I sharing all of this?! I forgot for a moment.

I’m a coach for and a photographer of women. This “slate cleaning” is important for us. In my studio, I’ve seen so many women come in with this “not enough” weight on their shoulders. We know our worth and what we contribute to the world, right? But when you’re constantly told it’s not good enough, you start to believe it. I’m living proof of knowing what I bring to the table and feeling super confident about who I am and why I’m here. Yet…..I allow myself to be pulled into situations that have me question all of it. And it just has to end.

Recognize that what someone else thinks about you is none of your business. Own that you’ve let their opinions influence you and then let it go. Wipe the slate clean girl…here, you can borrow my eraser. (It’s a little dusty from yesterday.)

 
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Kris Janovitz