Dating, Distance & Deficiency?

Strap in… this is a bit of a roller coaster ride of a brain dump.

Let’s revisit the dating world of old people, shall we? To qualify “old”… I’m old. And I’m not exactly thrilled to be back here but hey, what’s life without a little unexpected misery.

In particular I’ve been thinking about the idea of these dating apps and our insular view of the world. Are we so inflexible as to believe our “person” is within a 20 mile radius? I can tell you there are definitely people who are unwilling to travel more than 20 minutes to meet up. I matched up with one guy who lived 30 miles away but he felt it was too far to meet. 30 miles. Ok ok…this is assuming you believe there is someone out there that is a perfect match for you. Which is a stretch I know. But I’m realizing I’m a romantic and I want to believe this is true. I also believe that you can tell within moments if there is something special between you and another person. Whether that be a new friend, a business associate or a love interest. It’s happened to me in my love life twice so far in my life. Once I got married to him but that ended up not working out. The other time I was just an idiot and got involved with someone who just wasn’t available. Anyhoooo, here I am back at it.

Back to the location issue, I’m traveling and logged on to the dating apps to see what’s what around here. And within hours I’ve matched up with almost a dozen people. I’ve got “Atlanta based” in my profile but here’s what I’m learning… guys don’t read profiles. In contrast, unless he’s super hot (b/c I can be shallow too I guess), I won’t swipe right on a guy without a written profile. If they can’t take the time to write something then they aren’t invested at all and are just looking for a hookup. I remember a guy friend of mine said for them, it’s a numbers game. He showed me his app and must have swiped right on 98% of the women he saw. I was surprised at some of the women he swiped on. Super young and incredibly inappropriate. But hey, to each his own.


Who’s to say that the next guy I connect with has to live in my state? I mean, long-distance relationships can suck for sure. But also, they can move to accommodate me and my life because I know I’m worth them upending their life for me. Kidding. Not about the worthy part because, duh.

Omg, that leads me to another subject. Feeling “not enough” in life, especially when it comes to feeling like you’re not enough for someone else to put you first. Do you ever feel like you’re “not enough”? Yeah I do. I have chosen poorly in the relationship department where I’m either “not enough” or “not right now”. And it wears me down. But in any aspect of life, whether it be love or work or family life….there are times we feel like we aren’t living up to someone else’s “ideal”. And honestly, it sucks. I mean, we know our worth and what we contribute to the world, right? But when you’re constantly told (or shown) it’s not good enough, you start to believe it. I’m living proof of knowing what I bring to the table and feeling super confident about who I am and why I’m here. Yet…..I allow myself to be pulled into situations that have me question all of it. And it must stop. We have to stop the cycle of being knocked down by someone else’s crap.

No matter how good you are, you will never be good enough for someone who isn’t ready.

Good lord, I’m all over the place today. Back to dating… here’s what I want to write in my profile:

“48 year old mother of three cool kids, advocate, coach, photographer and all around exhausted kickass woman. But I’m tired of taking care of everything for everyone all of the time. I’d love someone to want to take care of me and try to make my life easier. I love what I do professionally but would not mind if someone wanted me to cut back on doing everything and take me on some trips and maybe plan a nice little early retirement for us down on a beach somewhere. I’d love to continue my advocacy and coaching while also sitting on the beach for a few hours each day with a cocktail. Hit me up if you have your shit together, are super single and take care of yourself in all areas of your life. Also please don’t be holding a fish in your profile photo. It’s just weird.”

But I suspect that’d make me sound like I’m looking for a sugar daddy, and while not entirely untrue, also makes me sound shallow. Which I’m not… I’m just exhausted and want to catch a break. So if you know of any age-appropriate, wealthy, available, sweet, affectionate, compassionate, funny, intelligent guys, looking for someone to treat like a princess, hook me up.



Yes, most of this post is tongue-in-cheek. But I know what all of this feels like and I’m focusing most of my energy and career on working with other women who are going through situations where they’re just tired of feeling like they can’t do it all in order to meet everyone else’s expectations. If anyone understands, it is me. I’ve lived through a lot of situations that could have left me knocked down and despondent. And that’s not to say I haven’t have days where I didn’t want to get out of bed. I have. But I’ve gotten through all the nonsense that has been thrown at me and now I want to be an advocate for other women who are struggling in one or more areas of their lives.

Kris Janovitz