TL/DR: emotions and vulnerability are icky but I’ll get there.
I’ve been told that I should be more vulnerable and show my sweet side to people more often. First of all, no. Second, ok well maybe. I’ll start with being vulnerable by explaining that I was just told this by the same person who lit-trully (but figuratively) broke my heart. I want to say that this was said from a place of caring and with the best of intentions…not realizing how brutal it was to hear from him considering I was completely vulnerable with him and here we were saying goodbye forever (what did you learn, Kris? Oh not to ever be vulnerable again? Oops!) Yeah yeah I’m still wounded four months later, but oh so close to using this as a “growth” moment (yaaay growing).
April has begun and, being my birth month, shit’s about to get better dammit. I set a personal deadline for myself of April 1st to “move on and let go” ...with so many things. So I’m letting go...of hope for that relationship, of situations I can’t control, of people who can’t be fully authentic and brave, of about 18 bags of clothing and crap from my home which I will be selling soon (to move to the townhouse we are building!), and procrastination. You heard it here folks ... shit-is-getting-done-this-month.
Things I want to do (...umm not all this month girl. Don’t come at me):
• Write a book (or maybe an article to start with bc, no writing experience)
• Collaborate with like-minded folks in the LGBTQ world to continue to educate and support as many people as I can
• Reach women (and men, but womens are my passion) in larger numbers who need to hear from me (once I’ve shaken off my own bullshit wah-wahs) about this word “authenticity” - what it means and why it is SO critical to understand our own values as we move through transitions in life.
Oh I’ve got a vision board. It’s digital bc I’m not cutting and pasting...ain’t got time for arts and crafts y’all. You should *see* the beach house imma live in soon. I’ll invite you all over for a pool party. Oh, I didn’t mention the pool? Yes girl, it’s pretty spectacular. We will have some fun gatherings there for sure. Stick with me.
Ok that is as vulnerable as I’m getting right now, buuut with a sprinkle of sarcasm bc my brain will not allow straight emotional sharing. I blame my family.